What's so great about the nipple? We all have them, excepting the beforementioned terrorists. Looking at your own, you may very well think “What's the big deal?” Well chief, you need to get yourself some self-esteem and pronto if you're so down on your nipples, because nipples are right up there with grain alcohol and the human vagina as the greatest things in all of God-Jesus's creation. The fact that all the cool kids have them? Well, that just proves why they're so awesome. They're like the Furby or Pokemon of evolutionary features; the hottest, must-have toy of every Christmas, ever! Our genetics are so into this whole nipple thing that even us guys get them despite their not having any practical purpose! I guess the Original G in the sky thought that we would get too jealous of our sisters being doted upon by Daddy Upstairs and would go and behead all their stone-age Barbie sticks in defiance.


The future of democracy is bright indeed.
But all this gushing about regular, everyday nipples isn't what this is all about. They're pretty special as it is, but certainly not worth grinding the wheels of cynicism to a halt over. This site is about cartoon porn, and as has been demonstrated so vividly by other articles on this very site, the machinations of ecchi have a strange way of making things more exciting, to say the least. Maybe it seems to you as if this is the ideal time to go on a long rant about some manga where they make the nipples squirt, shit, piss, or even affix dicks to the nipples then make them squirt, shit, piss and spew acid; but not today. Even if I was going off about acid-spitting dicknipples, I'd gush over how this is such a wonderful system that allows us to jack off to pictures of dicks getting horribly melted by abominations of nature. Because today's about positivity, love, and peace. We can't be excluding certain nipples from our lovefest, that just isn't right, this is an all-star salute to the nipple in general. Even if they are comprised of phalluses that randomly spew nitric acid in your face during the act of copulation.

Today we talk about Satoshi Urushihara. Far be it from me to do an ECCHI ATTACK TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY, or perhaps more accurately a TRUE PARENTS' BASEMENT story, I have done absolutely no research or anything on this man. To be honest, I don't go to bed every night thinking “I wonder about that one guy who draws the really great nipples in Japan; about his hopes and dreams and all the roadblocks and successes he's encountered in his life.” The nipples, however, do stick with me and fill my sleeping hours with wonderment and glee. Seeing as this hasn't been researched, is there any background I can give you at all? My only research has been reading sexy comics and sexy artbooks, of course - research is just the FASCISM of the close-minded journalistic community, and the freedom for me to come up with a complete and total fabrication of facts is what this article is all about: FREEDOM!

Well, as far as I know, he's done some mangas, like Plastic Little, Legend of Lemnear, and Chirality, has done some designs for games like Langrisser, and is well regarded enough to have at least three other manga authors striving to draw exactly like him - a noble enough purpose in pursuit of the perfect nipple. He also apparently can't plot his way out of a paper bag, and anyone who sat through the cliche-fest Plastic Little or Legend of Lemnear movies hoping for more bathtime/harem scenes will tell you. But that doesn't matter, thatt's what the fast-forward and rewind buttons on your DVD players are for; and really, his groundbreaking innovation, that of including at least one panel of teary-eyed softcore lesbian eros every dozen or so panels in his comics. is something all storytellers of every medium should probably consider.


Hooray!
Take a gander over yon. This is from a one-shot manga entitled Ragnarock City, a “sexy visual story.” Pardoning the random and misspelled reference to Norse mythology that brings to mind feather-haired and spandex clad Norwegians jamming on guitars and wailing about the halls of Asgard, this isn't about hard-rocking Aesir slamming one final wykked solo as the giant Surt fucks up some pyrotechnics and burns down the house. This is a story about the greatest city ever; a utopian paradise of young, beautiful lesbians who walk around with their breasts hanging out of their skimpy clothing. Naturally, the creation of such a state was politically popular with the men of the world, until they realized that they just created an exclusive community for these young, scorching-hot sapphites. Meaning they don't get to watch them fondle and grope each other all day. So I imagine, judging from the knowledge I gleaned straight out of my faithful ass, that the conflict in this story comes from the shortsighted males of the world who didn't offer these girls lucrative webcam offers trying to break into this paradise on earth and ruin it for everyone.

But who cares about plot? This is the greatest achievement in nipular technology, and it is beautiful. While the round firm asses and lovingly manicured pubic hair of this manga shouldn't be ignored, the real star here is... Well, you know. Smooth and soft, full of subtle detail, and pop!

You can knock down those ugly boxes in the middle of New York, you nippless freaks. You can keep blowing us up. But you sure as shit can't take away our twin towers of joy, our perky, erect nipples. That's the beauty of freedom. Yeah, there's some offensively gross crud out there. Yeah, I'm sure we're going to hear about some dumb kid in a Marilyn Manson shirt having constructed infernal machinery that keeps his collection of vivisected kidnapped girls still-living and in a world of pain, then following his arrest blaming it on his stack of imported Waita Uzuga doujinshi. But you know, sometimes we must sacrifice for freedom, truth, and beauty. Freedom ain't free, and sometimes the price is genetically engineering nubile young maidens to grow self-raping penises. But you know what? The kind of free society that is allowed to spawn barely legible scatacular enema comics is the only way that beautiful, nippleful flowers like this can sprout and bloom out of the fertilizer.

And I think that if we all stopped to admire a lovely set of nipples every day, we wouldn't keep fucking murdering each other. Because if there's one thing that we all have in common, it's our nipples. Well, except for the damned terrorists. But I'm sure if they hope and dream enough, their wish for nipples will be granted as well. Reach for the stars! But don't involve yourself in some elaborate Blofeld-esque plot with giant electromagnets to attract said stars close enough to earth to destroy us all, would you mind?



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