The work of a tortured genius
This isn’t the last of poor Martin's cries for help; in the next scene, just as our favourite BLONDE NYMPHO MAID leaves, the old woman in heat enters and forces Kira to pleasure her. He has his way with her, and Martin attempts another cry for help - the angst-ridden poem.

“Soon, her clit is swollen with the crimson of Alabama skies. Paradise flourishes inside her, the blossoming cunt bleeds nectar over my root planted deep within. Her hot pussy grappled with my penis like a madman does his conscience. Her screams make me think of the words of a modern poet: with our tongues tied the laces of angels...she moves her thighs as slowly as Latino gangsters. After the madam has her orgasm, I uproot my stalk from the earth of woman....In other words, I pull out.”


I’ll point out 3 things.
  1. This really is the same game.
  2. I didn’t make any of that up.
  3. Someone got paid to type that crap.


Martin, I’m sorry that you have to look at badly drawn hentai porn all day, but at least you get paid for it; I do it for free. With that terrible poetry, you stole away my erection, and with that, my last bit of sympathy for you.


Even with a straw, they still manage to spill it

Unfortunately, the game doesn't get any better from that point on. After finding out that all the other girls hate me, I have to tutor “the jailbait one” who makes me feel really uncomfortable; not only because she can’t be more than 12, but also because she attempts to rape me on several occasions, all with an adorable smile on her face. Later, she forces me and BLONDE NYMPHO MAID to take her to the city for something to do. While she's happy because she got something to eat, and BLONDE NYMPHO MAID is happy because she could shoot some strangers in the head without consequence, there was no sex, and I felt ripped-off.

It was going to get worse. After getting back to the mansion, my rival and the head of the house mentioned something about how, in fact, we are all related, and the reason for all the tutoring was that one of the girls could do a test and run the house, dumping all that previous “they’re all adopted” crap down the drain. Oh well, I thought, the test gets done, I end up with a great sex scene with a relative as a payoff, everyone's happy, and I can forget it ever happened!
Oh fuck. To paraphrase Il Pallazo, “Who the hell puts a maths quiz in the middle of a hentai game?!” I went through the worst the English language had to offer so you could give me an arithmetic lesson!?

To cut a long story short, I got the question wrong, my rival wins and becomes head of the house, and no one marries me, no sex, nothing. All because I got a maths question wrong. If fact, at the end, the game revealed that all the girls considered me God’s gift to pixels! It’s at this point that I should tell you that the game has about 30 different endings, and many of them rely on you making a decision that seems obvious enough, but which you later find out keeps you from the hardcore fucking that you crave.

The only solace I am able to take in this is the source of Kira’s sexual prowess which, unlike the Runaway City guy, doesn’t come from his supernatural luck. Nope, much better: “I kind of studied myself, after years of masturbating to porno role-playing games.” So ladies, if you want to have the greatest sex of your life, don't bother with sports stars, or even the porno stars who count things in feet rather than inches. It's with us SO LONELY social outcasts who, by jerking off to their favourite dickgirls, are in fact training themselves to give you the greatest thrill you’ll ever experience.

Amen



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"Hentai is the Otaku's Gateway to Boundless Pleasure" ~ Ancient Proverb