All you've gotta do is bite
We start off with a short yarn entitled, uh, Ed. Again The plot is basically “Ed is performing mouth-to-dick erection recessitation on Spike.” Riddle me this: Why the fuck has Spike taken to recieving the sloppy saigon special from Ed? Spike is the smoothest and coolest man in at least two parsecs in any direction; like James Bond and Bruce Lee with a Jewfro. Spike could literally have any woman or, hell, any man in the universe. His lost love is a blonde-haired fox with a fondness for leather jumpsuits; no Faye, but will do in a pinch. But shit, even the sexual tension between Faye and Spike is thick enough to eat with fork, so it's hardly improbable. The guy doesn't even like kids? But I guess a mouth's a mouth, and a hole's a hole in the cold of space, and “settling for the nearest hole you can stick it into” seems like a familiar concept to your average doujinshi author. Write about what you know, eh?
That one doesn't show up in any of the mushrooming books. I think you should play it safe and just let it go.
Alright, let's just give up on that one. Here's the next goddamn comic. So, Ed's on Earth, going about her usual wacky TOTALLY NOT SEXY routine, when she sees something odd. With her usual curious and childlike demeanor, she fiddles with this machine she's found and she feels something strange! God damn, I know where this is going. Getting up, she realizes that she was sitting on a long, mushroom-shaped vibrating thingy! How the hell did it take her so long to realize that? So, Ed's just having a great time with all the poking and prodding and all the other things that are done with a vibrator. This vibrator that she found LYING IN THE DIRT. Has anyone ever heard of hygiene around here? Goddammit, I just don't care - If Ed's going to put us through this kind of shit, she deserves the all the horrible microorganisms she gets. And isn't there some kind of turn of speech about “sand in your vagina?” I assume it's a bit uncomfortable. These artists just don't seem to give a shit. Not about you, not about Ed, not about making this terrible goddamn world a little bit less incomprehensible. Otherwise, I'd just have hot Faye on Julia lesbo action to bitch about here, and that would hardly make a good article.
Eww.
And here's the artists with an acute case of brain diarrhea again. So Ed feels the need to remove all of her clothes for no goddamned other than to REPULSE US FURTHER! Oh, and in case you're wondering: I AM READING THIS STRICTLY FOR SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES NOT FUCKING JERKING OFF HERE. So she's got absolutely no reason to do this whatsoever. Alright, if she needed to stimulate her other erogenous zones, she could FUCKING REACH UP HER SHIRT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT OFF. WE DON'T NEED TO SEE YOUR BOYISH CHEST AND TOTAL LACK Of SECONDARY SEXUAL CHARACTERISTICS. If I really wanted to see this shit, I'd read some fuckin' gay porn. WHICH I AM NOT. BUT WOULD RATHER BE DOING RIGHT NOW. EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT GAY. REALLY. JESUS GOD FUCK I HATE THIS FUCKING COMIC SMASH KILL
SYNTH CRUSH FEAR DEATH.
So, my platonic love for Ed has turned to revulsion, can his manga get any worse? I'm glad you asked now, because I was just headed out the door to bury my PC thirty feet underground and hope the taint doesn't infect our water supply. Guess what, it does! I'll just skip over the “Ed orally flagellates Jet” part, because we've already been over this shit with Spike, and I'm having a hard time coming up with more colourful descriptions of Ed sticking her mouth on and around penises, and that particular concept has spent way too much time in my mental timeshare as it is. Let's get straight to the hermaphroditism.
Yes, we have Ed as a dickgirl. It was bound to happen, of course, but it's too soon. I wasn't prepared for this. We get our Faye here, but at what cost? Ed, as a dickgirl. I think I can take that. Ed with a motherfucking H.R Giger cock.
In space, no one can hear you scream.
I fucking hate hentai.
