Then again I could be wrong since this disk I have from 1994 entitled “The Flikstones” has the hottest Fred and blonde Wilma scene I've seen since episode 940 “Attack of the Fifty Foot Hair-Dye Accident”. Of course any reason I ever got off to it was because I was 10 and desperate for any scrap of material I could get my hands on. The point is that maybe Japan has parody songs too, it's just that if we heard them, not only would we not understand the words, we wouldn't understand the reference. It's still the perfect thing for an otaku to dance to during a con though.

(MAYBE JAPAN IS JUST LIKE US AFTER ALL! MAYBE ALL THESE CULTURES ARE THE SAME ONCE WE EXAMINE THEM! WOW! WE'RE EVEN CLOSER TO BE TOGETHER AS A HUMAN RACE THAN I THOUGHT! WE ARE ALL BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE WORLD! [This message brought to you by The Council of the Soul Brothers and the Sisters of the Revolution.])

So yeah, I get that it's sick, sure, but can we get past that and make fun of it for being retarded for once? Whoever made this shit is making it for novelty and (at least trying for) comedic value. Just 'cause it has cocks and cunts that we'd rather not see doesn't make it special, and going on long tirades about how it's cheapened the characters doesn't make a difference.

Well, unless the difference is making yourself look like a complete retard too.

Maybe you're trying gett off, but the artist decided that for various reasons Kim Jong Il raping Asuka is hilarious. Let's be honest, in this case it is. Sorry that your dick is currently inside of you sir, but if you can't see why it's funny you don't deserve your penis anyways.


Apparently people can't see what this picture represents. I declare humanity blind.
Now here's a famous picture that needs explaining. Usually people who see this picture are too busy making *BARF!* jokes and telling us how they've given up on humanity to actually try to understand the meaning of this picture. Yes, a woman is being cut into ribbons by an egg slicer, but what does it mean? Well, obviously the woman is really a symbol of fertility, and the egg slicer represents a doctor performing surgery on a woman to prevent her from giving more babies. The brutality of the picture shows us that the artist finds that hysterectomies are brutal practices that need to be stopped. This isn't jerk fodder at all; this is a political statement from the artist. On the other hand, if you are getting off on it, well I don't know what to say (OTHER THAN BLACK HELICOPTERS ARE COMING TO YOUR HOUSE! THEN TOTALLY SWEET NINJAS WILL JUMP OUT AND FLIP OUT AND CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF! HAHAHA! I'M SO FUNNY AND NOT JUST USING THE SAME OLD TIRED JOKES PEOPLE USE WHEN TELLING PEOPLE THAT THEY'RE GOING TO KILL THEM OVER MESSAGE BOARDS).

Of course, this famous picture is by perhaps the most misunderstood hentai artist in the world. Waita Uziga. Just mentioning his name evokes all sorts of reactions; most of these reactions seem to be by people who think that an Uziga picture alone is funny. Those people are currently using jokes well past their expiration date, and will probably insult you by calling you a fag. They're really that amazingly funny people! It's not like those people could understand Uziga, heck we barely understand it ourselves. But to understand his art, you need to understand Uziga.


Yet another example of Uziga making us all that much more manly.
Uziga has to be bad assed. You know; the guy who benches 350lbs, the guy who knows seventeen different martial arts, the guy who could take on Sonny Chiba and Steven Segal at the same time while eating a rare steak and drinking a bottle of tequila. That's just how cool he is. Just when you don't think he can get any more manly, he'll do something that makes you question if the testicles you've had for your entire life are actually real. That's Uziga.

Uziga's art shows a man angry at the world, and the feminization of men in particular. Uziga is disgusted by this world of men with hot pink Hamtaro T-shirts and men too busy cutting themselves to the melodic verses of Justin! Timberlake to solve their problems. Sure he could go up to every guy in the world and kick the shit out of them until they become men, but that would take too long. To achieve the change he wants sometime before 2010 (This is how long it would take for Uziga to get around to delivering the smackdown on your candy ass [-Infinity cool points for using wrestling reference.]) he resorts to using his artistic skill and the power of the Internet.

Every woman being brutally chopped up and skullfucked in his art isn't a woman. It's a show of strength for men, a sign that they need to fight back against what women are making them, put down the Belldandy key-chain, and rise up against being a complete pussy. The offensiveness is intentional, and makes sense. What a better way to turn you pussies into men than by evoking the emotion that makes a man truly a man, full out unrestricted rage. Every picture is a punch in the head for the Legolas image that women want us to be, and a empowerment to the Gimli in us. Or at least that's what I learned from watching Fight Club.

Uziga is a modern day hero, because he won't idly sit by and watch us become pussies turn this world into a place where Go is played by inserting the stones into each others anuses. So do yourself and Uziga a favour by punching the living fuck out of someone and downing a 40 of whatever alcohol you can find (if it's daiquiris you've already failed). Because when the Uziga revolution comes, there will be no more hugs and cuddles. Flowers? HA! Flowers bring hope! We can't have hope here!!! Standing in the heart of madness? No, I'll be fighting in it, like a man.

So next time you see that wacky hentai image with a paraplegic girl and Dan Hibiki, don't yell NUKE JAPAN as hard as you can. Take the time to examine it fully and try to find the meaning behind it, and the secret of hentai will be yours. Or at least you'll stop annoying the fuck out of everyone already used to this shit.

This is God of Gambling signing off and wishing you good jerking.



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"Hentai is the Otaku's Gateway to Boundless Pleasure" ~ Ancient Proverb