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I kind of expected this to be SEXY! Not to mention that Leela was always depicted as multi-titted, as per the one tentacle scene with her and Zoidberg (Don't remember that episode? Well I bet you fucking wish that you WATCHED that show now, huh? You assholes are the reason that it got cancelled, ARE YOU HAPPY FOR YOURSELVES?). Wait, did I just say that I “expected this to be sexy?” Mother shitter. If I start jerking to ASCII hentai, somebody kill me...
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DEREK RICH AS GOKU!
Oh Jesus, this is JUST what we fucking need, ASCII art of Derek Rich. What the fuck is the world coming to when COSPLAYERS, FUCKING COSPLAYERS get the old ASCII PORN treatment? I blame the French for this one. After all, what problem can't be made better by blaming the problem on The French? Pipe's broke and your shitter is flooding? GOD DAMNED FRENCH! Burnt Toast? I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL, YOU MOTHER FUCKER FROGS!!! Tens of thousands dead in Vietnam? THIS IS YOUR FAULT, LA FRANCIA! YOURS AND YOURS ALONE YOU KILLED MY UNCLE AND HIS CAT
Moving right along...
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"Godai Comes out of the Closet" 1996.02.24
Okay, this one isn't a hentai image, it is from Maison Ikkoku, one of the hilarious romance comedies that go on for a billion episodes but the main characters who are so RETARDEDLY IN LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT NEVER GET TOGETHER that made Rumiko Takashi a houshold word in three out of a billion houses worldwide. Note the marked lack of hentai here, but Jesus Christ, that subtitle is the most unintentionally funny thing about this whole fucking article. Yes, shut up. I hate you too. SEE WHAT A MARKED LACK OF WHISKY DOES TO ME? HUH! SEE! I'VE BEEN OFF THE BOTTLE FOR TWO WEEKS NOW AND I'M JUST NOT FUNNY. FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU. GO BACK INTO THE CLOSET, YOU SIMPLETON BEFORE YOU GET TO TASTE WHAT MY FISTS TASTE LIKE FROM INSIDE YOUR WINDPIPE. Hating life here, folks!
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Yeah, thanks Happosai, I could use a drink. May I ask you a question? WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING SOMETHING? FUCK YOU, I GO TO THE HENTAI ASCII ART SHRINE, AND DO I FIND ANY HENTAI? FUCK NO. Shit this article is sucking. I'm going to go to the store and get some beers. MALT LIQUOR FOR ME PLEASE!!!
(ed. note: At this point the writer got extremely violent and made off to the local store. At this point he realized that he had no money, and attempted to shoplift a beer, Steel Reserve fucking malt liquor, if I'm not mistaken. Jesus, he could have at least tried to steal a Heineken, because that stuff is Real Beer, not stupid fucking pisswater MALT FUCKING LIQUOR. Jesus, now he's got me furious and about to punch someone. Why did we hire this idiot anyway? Since the security at the local Scolari's is TOP NOTCH, he was apprehended by the local constabulary and spent the night in the drunk tank, despite his not actually being drunk. He fought off the advances of three angry, mulleted drunks who thought that his face would make ONE DANDY cum depository, bukakke-style.)
Oh shit, where was I? Oh yes... Since there is absolutley no fucking hentai ASCII art on the mother shitting internet, and I utterly REFUSE to look through Usenet posts to find some, I went and MADE ONE, from the marvelous Image To Text engine. Below, we find one Faye Valentine, with her tits a-floppin.' Happy jerking, you idiots.
LO REZ AND PROUD! JERK TWO THREE FOUR! BE AS LONELY AS YOU CAN BE! After all, it's either this, or User Friendly porn...
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