Miracle of Birth, Death of the Soul: M-Preg Fanfiction and You

October 24, 2006
Author: Negative Creep
The timeless beauty of a man bringing a new life into the world through his asshole.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

-HP Lovecraft

“Mpreg, Yaoi , Incest is so disgusting...blah blah blah....” Shut up! Read my rant on homophobes, and yeah i get it Mpreg is impossible and incest is wrong but its called fanfiction for a reason u morons....its FICTION! its not real, its a creation of the human mind, thus anything can happen!”

-The Internet

Just way too much man for girls to handle
We've come a long, long way together, Dear Reader. It has been at least four years since Christine rubbed her first prostate with an open palm, and in that time websites (including this one) have risen and fallen, fetishes have come and gone, and Fanfiction.net has trundled even further into self-parody than anyone could have possibly imagined back in 2002. Still, it's good to know that some things never change. Fangirls are still as fucking apeshit as they ever were - possibly more so - and pump out metric asstons of bad fanfiction every second of every day, the vast majority of it yaoi. It's almost grounding, the way they let neither common sense nor canon nor time get in the way of the quivering rosebuds and surprisingly pain-free anal sex they so desire to write about. I can't count on much in this mean old world, but sure as the sun rises in the east, fifteen-year old girls will be writing about Dib spelunking for gold in Zim's squeegely-spooch long after my bones are mouldering in the ground. Count on it.

The lingering question of why exactly so much gay sex is being written by females under the age of twenty-five is for another day and another writer, one who is far less likely to begin twitching and frothing at the mouth uncontrollably if he or she thinks about it too hard. We've been over this before. No, what I want to talk about today isn't yaoi in particular, as much as a particular facet of the genre that has popped up over the past few years - M-preg.

“But what is M-Preg?” asks you, the gentle reader, in shiny-eyed and intact-cherried innocence. “Is it some sort of fetish involving pregnant ladies?” Dear reader, wipe the semen out of your eyes and remember where the fuck you are: this is the goddamned internet and we are talking about fanfiction. Are women ever involved other than when they're turning into fire-breathing dragons and messily ripping apart the True Love Forever of some swishy bishie? Think before you speak next time, dearhearts.

No, women are most definitely not involved. M-Preg, if you somehow didn't already know, or hadn't figured out from my subtle hints, is when yaoi authors take the next logical step and have one of the menfolk in their pairing get knocked up through the power of Love And Dreams And Sperm Up The Sphincter. Does the lower intestine connect to a magic womb made out of cherry blossoms and rainbows in Fanfiction Land? Does True Wuv suddenly mean that growing a child in the urethra is no longer a nightmare the likes of which HR Giger has never dreamed, but a blessed event, free of pain? If you cut open the Pregnant Bishie's Bulging Pregno-Dick, would a spray of kittens, bubbles, fairy lights, and heart-shaped candies emblazoned with “BE MINE” and “LET'S KISS” and “FUCK ME UP THE ASS AND LET ME HAVE YOUR BABIES” gush forth, flooding your gaping mouth (and heart?) Let's take a closer look.

No, closer.

... Seriously, I mean REALLY close, like a John Kricfalusi close-up. We're going to examine the follicles of this beast, god-dammit, sweatdrop-shaped pores and all. Hold on to your non-existent fallopian tubes, fellas, this is gonna get brutal.

Step One: The Moment of Conception

As beautiful a scene this is, you can't help but think of the promising cartoon career Zim threw away by knocking Dib up at such a tender age
I think we all know how this works, really. Boy meets boy, boys are written incomprehensibly out of character, boys fuck like pheromone-injected cats with dick-sucking black holes in their rectums. Cherry blossoms are painfully shot from their pee-pee holes and the writer's typing hand gets very sticky indeed.

Everything started from Cid's birthday party. It wasn't something big, no. Just him and a few friends. Actually, he had moved recently to a bigger house, and now had a lot of space for himself, but didn't want to make a big party. At first it was just a normal meeting with friends, but a few drinks later... things started to happen. And now here he was, in his bedroom, with Vincent, and they were kissing passionately. He didn't remember how they got there or how they started making out but it really didn't mattered for him right now. He had hots for Vincent since he first met him but he'd never actually thought that he can do something like that. It was just... spontaneus.
“Oh... God...” Vincent whimpered. Cid didn't know if he was blushing becouse of the kisses or becouse of an alcohol.
“You're so beautiful“ said Cid and started kissing his soon to be lover, again. This time he started to squeez his partner's buttocks. It didn't take them long to land on the bed.
They were stripping each other and soon all they clouths ended on the floor. A loud moan escaped form Vincent's mouth when Cid began to lick and suck on his nipples. It was just a pure ecstasy.

“Ohhhh... Cid...” Vincent cried in ecstasy. A few seconds later he came, filling his lover's mouth with his seed.
“You're delicious.” Cid drank everything and then licked his finger.
“It was good, I must say.” Vincent needed a minute to rest “I think, I can't leave you like that.” When he recovered, he bent over Cid “You will love it.” He started the same way as his partner before. First licked his shaft, than took it all to his mouth.

Blah blah tight warm passages blah blah blah sticky semen blah blah blah best sex of his life. Gotcha. We've seen it all before. It all starts to get strange(er) the morning after.

 Next Page >

Page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

[ Home ]