I formed a new strategy, which consisted of searching normal “human” scat sites, and hope for a link to something that resembled hentai. It wasn't much to go on, but by now I was quite flaccid, and even starting to feel a little ill. I mean, I've got a very strong stomach, but... you know, it's people EATING SHIT.

Entering the phrase “shit eating” into Google rewarded me with an abundance of links. Too many, actually, so as usual I went with the first one. The site proudly displayed that it had “movies of girls shitting in their pants!” and I did a double take. Did I really want to follow this thing much farther? Did I really want to find what I thought would be terribly amusing? I... don't know. I still don't. After I did this article, I... did... some things. Terrible things. Things... I can't tell you about. Now, anyway.

A dilemma arose. Shitfreaks wasn't going to let me in for free. I wasn't going to pay. There was a simple solution, and I took it gladly. Backtracking to the Google search page, I ventured over to Scatbabes, and had a look around there. They wanted my hard-earned cash as well, so I left... But not before looking at all the links, absorbing the bounty of shit.

This wasn't getting me anywhere. There had to be something I could use to find what I was after, and it wasn't until I had just about given up on the quest that it occurred to me. Filled with joy, I opened up Kazaa, and activated a broad search with just one word. And guess what that word was, kids! Yes, you're correct, it was “dickgirl.” I mean “shit.”

Wow! A smorgasboard of shit! I immediately began downloading random files, whether they were movies, jpegs, or anything else for that matter. I was in a frenzied state, knowing that my quest would soon be at its end end, and so I watched each file as it arrived. Here were two women eating a choad directly out of another woman's backside! Here was a woman writhing around on the floor playing with her own refuse! Here was a woman being showered with diarrhea with a smile on her face! Here was two guys with a wo

FUCKING HELL. FUCK. NO MORE. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE. IT'S SHIT, FOLKS. SHIT. IT'S THE REFUSE FROM YOUR BODY. THERE ARE NO NUTRIENTS IN IT, AND THERE CAN'T BE ANY KIND OF ‘TASTY' FLAVOR. THAT'S WHY THE BODY IS DISCARDING IT. YOU GOD DAMN ASSHOLES. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR FUCKING WEBSITES AND YOUR SICK FUCKING FILES I'M LEAVING AND IM GOING TO KILL MYSE GOD I WAS AND WASH AND WASH THESE HANDS AND THEY ARE STILL DIRTYTHEIRSTI LLDIRTYDIRTY GODOHOGODOHOGODHELPME

I think at this point that I broke down in tears and ran into the loungeroom, seeking my girlfriend and the comforting warmth of her arms. I needed her to tell me that everything was going to be okay. That she would never ask me to do these things that I had just seen. She assured me that if I ever asked her to participate in any kind of scat play, she would most likely kick my teeth in and slice my balls off. Probably in one swift motion.

I thanked her. She understood my plea for sanity, and told me that I should get blind drunk and play videogames, to empty my mind. It did. I felt a whole lot better about myself after a few hours, and even though the images remained, the mental scarring was healing over with the knowledge that I have a girl who loves me, and will care for me when I embark on stupid adventures like this one.

All days come to a close, and as the clock hit 11, my girlfriend and I made our weary way to bed for a well deserved sleep. She hopped in, shivering as her feet touched the cold sheets. Brimming with my love for her, a question rose unbidden to my lips, and would not be held back by any force on this earth.

“Babe, I'd hate to get the sheets dirty, but could you possibly lean up against the head board and drop a fresh loaf into my mouth?”