I think this is what sucking off the Tin Man would look like
Also of note in this first edition are the dicks, or, as I am so fond of saying, OH GOD THE DICKS IN MY FACE AND MOUTH HRBLRGL. Censorship in Japanese porn has always been kind of silly; yeah, it's utterly redundant to say that, so I'll just redeem myself by saying CHECK OUT THE TENTACLES THOSE GODDAMN ZANY JAPS WHEN WILL THEY LEARN TO STOP RAPING SO MUCH. However, in my adventures through the suffocating wastes of the desert of hentai steadily creeping into the still-arable fields of our imagination, I can say that most doujinshi authors find creative ways to show as much cock as possible in a society of people living with censorship laws penned more or less a week before that groundbreaking discovery of fire. However, they aren't going to push that edge with this one, so they just put enormous black bars over everyone's dick. Like a barely-hinged, sociopathic rock band who have suddenly learned something about civility, once you lose the fat spurting dicks there's just no reason to continue. Nothing like watching ladies getting pleasured by enormous black boxes, latching to the dude's crotch and controlling his brain with sex sexy sex. And yes - They really do look like enormous discolored growths on their crotches. Something tells me you shouldn't be putting your perpetually agape mouth on that thing, Yuri. Didn't they teach you about evil parasitic space fungal venereal diseases in the academy?
No, she isn't terrified because the guy decided to bust a nut all over her, she's terrified because that nut is OUT FOR BLOOD
Finally, the last thing of ersatz interest in this particular edition is the floating space sperm. In hentai, semen develops magical properties; able to absorb into one's face as soon as she turns around to take it anally after a three man bukakke-fest, with the consistancy of what seems like Elmer's Glue and apparently tasting like milkshake. Here, it simply... floats. Now, there SEEMS to be sufficient gravity, yet the globs of dudejuice seem to just float around without any regard for the laws of physics. Yeah, I can see future science being responsible for the inhumanly perfect bodies of our heroines, but flying sperm? Simply insane. Or IS IT? Notice how it seems to strategically avoid their faces, apparently fed up with this gratuitous wastage of seed, so I guess they just pissed off to join the rest of the flying sperm collective, their eventual revenge forming the premise for the grossest Star Trek episode ever. I'm sorry Rick Berman, but I didn't need to see seventh-season Jonathan Frakes dolled up like Minky Momo and taking a couple litres of biosludge on his face. Maybe first season, without the beard. Mmm, yeah.
From my dynamic and beautiful description, I bet you're thinking “Hey, this doesn't sound so boring!” Well kids, if you really like unremarkable art and nigh-eternally ass-dragging sex, then you'll love it. Fucking freak-ass sickos. As for me, how I get into this if there's no speed lines? Where's the olympic-sized swimming pools brimming with jism and vaginal secretions that are indistinguishable from jism? Dickgirls? Tentacles? Jesus, try harder poor player. You're making everyone look bad, here.
WHAT IS IT I DONUT KNOW
Moving onto the second issue we find that, somehow, they managed to make this one even more of a snoozefest than the first one. Yes, Yuri is still getting dicked from all sides, and yes, her mouth is still perpetually agape, probably as a warning to those whose mothers told them that their face was going to stay like that if they made dumb faces. Jesus Christ, wasn't that the whole premise behind the first issue? The only thing even remotely worthwhile about this is the censorship: Yes, they're still sticking frightening black bars over everything phallic, but in this issue they begin to show off their new method of censoring the Lady Excite Hole. I was sure that the whole point of censoring, to obscure the naughty bits from view and to quell the reptilian KILL RAPE DESTROY MAIM impulse in the male brain that is somehow activated by looking at vagina, has been lost on these guys.
These laws really make me wonder about Japanese health class, if they have such a thing inbetween sessions of BRUTAL ROTE MEMORIZATION and moments of silence for the parade of kids jumping off buildings because they can't get into a decent college. Do they have to censor the ladies' nether regions for health class? If so, do the girls develop horrible complexes because their vaginas aren't all pixelized? It would explain their rather healthy porn industry.
