We aren't done yet, folks, because it's time for Prescription 3, probably the best of the entire series. Some kind souls on usenet did a fantastic job coloring and translating it, well, forgetting the fact that most of this shit is better left untranslated. Although it fell victim to that most terrible scourge in all the sea of stars, motherfuckers going nutso with photoshop filters, it's still a monumental improvement from what would otherwise be something stupefyingly banal. Enough shameless cocksucking though, not even kindly usenet folks are spared from the terrible wrath of the Ecchi Attack!

Probably the best thing about this issue is the translated sound effects. We're talking Gonterman level onomatopoeia here. Now, “Stomp”, “Zoom”, and “Wham” are acceptable if a bit obvious. Then we get to the more questionable choices; tell me, what the hell makes the sound effect “Gotcha!”? Well, apparently in this manga, it's the sound effect that happens when someone gets cornered by an armed individual What is it even supposed to sound like? I'm picturing something like the voices in the old Nintendo game Wild Gunman, all shittily compressed and run through a Nintendo synth, all being like GKKHHCHHA, playing like some kind of novelty Happy Meal toy whenever dude swings his gun around, cute the first dozen or so times but grating the hundredth time it gives away his position in an insane John Woo style gunfight, reminding you never to order your piece from the back of a cereal box. There's also the sound effect “JERK!” which is more like a snappy reprimand than a sound effect, as well as “Spread”, “Lick”, “Plunge”, and “Quiver”, which sound more like the weapon set from a Contra game than the gooshy sounds of sweet lovemaking. Remember, stick with the Spread, the other weapons are useless.

Luckily, the inclusion of color DOES make it much more palatable to our jerkfactory senses, so it's not a total loss. The storylines are fairly blah and hardly worth translating: Kei and Yuri try to take down a criminal. Yuri gets boned. Kei shoots the criminal, and apparently turned on by whole murder/sex corallary in her twisted mind, Yuri gets boned, again. Then a robot bones Kei. Then they're on the beach, and once more, Yuri gets boned. Do you see a theme emerging? Then Kei applies for a part time job and gets boned and there's all kinds of awful sexual innuendo with all the delicacy of a Benny Hill episode. Finally, Yuri gets boned, one more time, for the road. You'd think Yuri, who is basically known throughout the universe alongside her partner, as a harbinger of catastrophe, could fend off a few wayward masked rape squad members. Maybe it's preferable to fucking her space-cat as seems to happen all too often in these doujinshi, WHO KNOWS. At least she seems to have unhinged her jaw for them beforehand. Jesus girl, close your damn mouth, people are getting the wrong idea.

I hope your perpetually gaping maw is ready for a fist-shaped surprise.
That's about it for the third part, but it doesn't end here. Yes, here's Prescription 4, or the apex of the series. There has never been a lack of hott all-girl axxxtion in Dirty Pair hentai, but I think this particular issue unloaded onto an oversaturated market, devalued and killed Dirty Pair hentai, leading to the rise of ENDLESS FUCKING CARD CAPTOR SAKURA MANGAS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. Yeah. So anyway, Prescription 4 has a lot of god damned lesbo action. You know how comics tend to stay concise, using visual shorthand to keep their stories flowing at an acceptable pace? Apparently, that ethic was lost on the author.


This is the next ten minutes of your life
So they're sticking their mouths on each other. Okay, cool, everyone loves a little bit of dykery now and again. It continues. I'm get the fucking point. More mutual tit-friction, clitoris rubbing, and getting their spit all over everything. ENOUGH ALREADY. More shooting unidentified white liquid out of their vaginas! STOP IT. Kei using Yuri's boobs to brace herself. Okay, well, that's pretty funny; WE ARE EXPERIENCING SOME TURBULENCE PLEASE USE THE GIANT FLESHY HANDLES TO YOUR SIDES. God hating fags is a simple misunderstanding. What God really hates is when they DON'T GET TO THE FUCKING POINT, which is the hot gay sex. When you write tedious or, well, homoerotica, a cute rosy cheeked cherub from those Hallmark greeting cards gets violently and unconsentedly sodomized by Zeus' thunderbolts. Do you fruity dorks want cute l'il angels getting their potpourri smelling assholes torn up by the ersatz phallus of an angry Greek God? Then HURRY IT UP ALREADY, I'm fucking going limp here.

How do you make lesbianism boring and unappealing? Well, you show the real stuff as opposed to the put-on, well lit lipstick shit that we dudes find so irresistable. Not to say that straight fucking is any better of course, but that's beside the point. The point is that this doujinshi author, working within the sexxciting frontiers of jerkery, has managed to capture the ennui of watching monkeys hump into lesbo comic porn. I've seen more stimulating mitosis cycles here.

And that, my friends, is a prescription... To fuck off and find something better to whack off too. G'nite.

Most would say that coonskin caps are "So 1700's", but Yuri manages to pull it off with both style and panache



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