Next, we have a few pages about Dragon Quest 2, but since Dragon Quest 2 manages to be even more boring and unremarkable than the first one, I will conveniently ignore it.

So we come to Dragon Quest 3. Dragon Quest 3 was a big first in the series: it was the first edition of the series that was actually playable for any amount of time. That amount of time is five, or maybe even ten minutes if you're a masochist, but that's effectively rounded up to eternity in Dragon Quest terms. In fact, it was SO not as bad as the first two, or the rest of the series, that is was remade TWICE. While playing through a Dragon Quest game multiple times, even the best one, is about as attractive a prospect to me as sucking off the Dragonlord or catching the clap from Gwaelin, their capitalistic gusto is admirable. Japan will not be whole until every household has four or five versions of Dragon Quest 3!


When you play Dragon Quest, you're only fucking yourself over.
The Dragon Quest 3 chapter is simultaneously the best story in this manga and also the one that will have you scratching your head the most. You see, in DQ3, you can choose to make a male or female avatar for yourself. The game will still address you as a 'he' if you choose the female, but I guess it's understandable considering the testosterone levels in Toriyama's girls. I think you can see where this is going.

Hey guys, it's time for the LAMEST DOUJINSHI JOKE EVER

“What is this? Incest? Or Masturbation? I'll be here all week folks. Drinks are in the lobby and OW FUCK GUHHH MY BRAINCASE”

Such as it is, it's still the best thing to come out of the entire Dragon Quest series. It's a bit creepy, it's a bit arousing, and I'm not sure if it's made the dozens of hours I've spent on these games worth it to be able to make stupid references worth it, but by God it's made my night. Oh, and chrck out the censorship: Guys, what is so much more evil about the base of the glans as opposed to the shaft, or the rest of the head, or even the dickhole? I understand there's some convoluted post-war laws and inexplicable community standards, but is some vice squad copper going to walk into a doujinshi shop looking for lascivious material to shut them down with, note that the base of the glans was adequately covered in the comics, then stomp out all blue-balled?

I know, who better to ask than the Prince of Lies, the Lord of Darkness, the Root of All Evil... Lucifer himself?
“Well, Ragu you see, it's quite simple. Most of the penis belongs to God, but the base of the glans... Well, as they say... ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUFFER MORTAL!”


Damn you Satan, you malicious dyke.

“What's wrong? SOMEONE SET YOU UP THE BOMB? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEEL THE BURN! YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME!”


I always knew Satan was supposed to be evil, but never this evil.

“BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! TIRED MEMES FOR ALL ETERNITY, PITIFUL INSECTS! YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION!”


The rest of the manga is stupid because Dragon Quest is stupid, but they do redeem themselves near the end

I've been waiting for this for SEVEN FUCKING YEARS

Okay, so I lied about that story being the only good thing to come of Dragon Quest. HOORAY FOR CHRONO TRIGGER!

Odd video game hentai hardly qualifies as the worst case of the inconceivable subject matter syndrome, though. In fact, compared to some niches, it's actually pretty damn jerkable. But video game and anime characters are one thing, corporate mascots are off in some other dimension. While Captain Crunch x Colonel Sanders yaoi might be a fever dream for now, if you use a cute little girl to advertise anything, they will draw pictures of that little girl, embroiled in things which I'm not quite sure “fair use” covers.


NO.
This is Ecoco. You don't know who she is, but according to this page, translated through the unifying miracle of machine translation, Ecoco is:

“So. You saw, it is is. Poster. Lucky occurrence Satoshi Watanabe (“the hero of white spring corporation LaLa silver”) you were completely fascinated in the emblem which is drawn. To face campaign end without being known in entire country, it is regrettable excessively. The fact that the picture which in such thinking in the agent you photographed with preparedness of decision death is released was beginning of this page.
Echo ice spread enlargement campaign of the Tohoku Electric Power Co., Inc. ended, also this daughter became the free tar from the can gal and, came to the point of with leading the kind of life which burns the fire to the nail. This time is conveyed young as the woman of the match sale afterwards, (lie).
The minor character is in spite with the net to spread to remainder, it reached the point where it is appeared gradually even in the event.”


So as far as I can tell, Ecoco was conceived by some guy named Satoshi Watanabe, for the Tohoku Electric Power Co., Inc. She is apparently the free tar from the can gal, and she leads a life that burns the fire to the nail. In other words, she's the power conservation mascot for the power company, telling the Japanese populace, with their ten million beeping and flashing things plugged in and strewn about their two-by-two meter apartments all the time, to at least TURN DOWN THEIR FUCKING AIR CONDITIONER. She's also adorable in that kind of cavity-inducing DiGi Charat sort of way; so sweet and innocent that you wouldn't want to say 'hello' lest she pick up the word 'hell' in 'hello' and thus have her pristine ears polluted by your filthy fucking language, pig.

What a cum-drunk slut.



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"Hentai is the Otaku's Gateway to Boundless Pleasure" ~ Ancient Proverb