NinNin’s stopped by to sneak Miko out of school and over to her creepy grandma’s place. There is MASSIVE HILARITY as NinNin tries to peep on some schoolgirls undressing, which probably happens alarmingly often as they seem to have several huge, curtainless windows into their changing room, and gets scolded. Ha ha, NinNin, you're such a cute widdle sex offender. Miko notes: “The guys in my class would sure be surprised if... (pause hers) they KNEW (emphasis hers) I cut out early for sexcraft training!!” NO THEY WOULDN’T YOU DAMNED WHORE, THIS IS JAPAN. Hell, most of the cheerleaders at my school did that anyways, only they “trained” with the football players rather than their grandmothers YOU TWISTED BITCH. NinNin pointlessly falls in a river on the way over; Jesus Christ, I already hate this guy more than Jar Jar - BOTH using NAMES WITH ONE REPEATED SYLLABLE, so either Japan was responsible for Phantom Menace or George Lucas had a hand in La Blue Girl, and I can’t decide which would be more disturbing. Never mind, I'm pretty sure the IMAGE IN MY MIND OF LUCAS JERKING OFF TO THIS wins that one.
When Miko arrives, Grandma is busy praying to the Mido family grave, which surprisingly isn't some kind of obtuse euphemism for masturbating to thoughts of her granddaughter's tight little snatch. Apparently Grandma’s been getting sick recently - physically, not the deep psychological illness she's obviously been suffering from for quite a while. Grandma wants to pass the talisman/box thing off to Miko, and once again explains the whole Miroku/Shikima pact thing, a courtesy for those in the audience who missed it while jerking off to the girl getting raped. This is the first use of the term “roots of lust,” which is without argument the BEST PENIS NAME EVER. Miko’s response to the horrors of these monsters’ perversion? “They sound like they’re on drugs.” Not any more than you do, you incorrigible skank, you.
I’d like to make a minor interruption here. Now, Miko’s obviously not the most intelligent, sensible person ever, but even a complete idiot should have been able to figure out by then that Granny was B.S.ing her about the whole ninja-war thing in order to watch her check the oil every week. And even if it WERE all true, Granny’s still a sick, perverted bitch. My proof? In response to the Drugs comment, she says, “An 18 year old virgin like yourself couldn’t possibly know how incredible it (the tentacle rape) feels.” Analysis: The Shikima are still the Miroku clan’s allies. Therefore, a Shikima wouldn’t attack Grandma unless she asked first. I think you know how this story ends. By the way, on a tangent, I think you can hear a Shikima demon quietly weeping in the background in some of the later scenes of this show, for some reason.
At this time, a guy from the evil clan mentioned in the opener was secretly listening to them explain the box, and they didn’t see him. The guy wasn’t even hiding or anything! I'm not sure I can attest to Miko and her Grandma's competence as ninjas here, anymore. Christ, even the crappiest ninja in history should’ve been able to notice a tall guy dressed in black standing around in broad daylight.
When they finally do notice him, the big battle begins. Grandma, following the hallowed anime tradition that the oldest person to appear in a series is the strongest, though most likely to die, slices about a dozen ninja extras before confronting the leader dude, who kills her, gets his arm chopped off, and grabs the box; all the while Miko runs like the scared little bitch she is. NinNin, trying to comfort the whiny, teary Miko, who just left her sick, elderly Grandma to get slaughtered by ninjas, gives her Grandma’s diary and fertility statue. Miko makes him cry (POINTS FOR HER even though she feels regret), and then she heads home. While they're doing that, the evil ninjas show off the box. Finally, we get to hear from the Shikima, who now evilly plot to go kill Miko, and I thoroughly support this plan of action. Yay for killing the bitch, even if you do sound like my dorm advisor with some voice modulation.
Interestingly, I feel more sympathy for the Shikima than any other characters in the show, because at this point I’ve been torn between wanting to kill Miko and wanting to fuck her until I can’t move anymore. These demon guys seem to want to do both at once, and I applaud them.
Now Miko’s walking down an empty street; apparently the scriptwriter forgot that this is Japan, where even at 4:00 am (possibly earlier, as that’s probably when they’re all getting up) you can’t throw a can of Pocari Sweat without hitting three schoolgirls, a businessman reading ECCHI EXTREME SEX SEX and a half-dozen Rockman sequels. There’s a Shikima disguised as a Buddhist monk wearing white briefs standing on a streetlight, and he and Miko have a talk, the Shikima sounding like my dad trying to act evil, before he dives down and gut punches her. Now, if you’re a sex demon, would you really want to appear as a half-naked monk? When I think of Buddhists, I usually think of rubbing Shakyamuni’s tummy for good luck and the “one hand clapping” thing and not tentacle rape, but hey. He smacks NinNin, so I’m inclined to accept his judgment.
