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Bluesky

Andore Jr.

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I certainly hope your penis is ready, because here comes the show’s fourth Jerk Moment, also my personal favorite due to the oh-so-clever wordplay between “I’m coming” meaning “I’m going to rescue my sister” and “I’m coming” meaning “OH MY FUCKING GOD NERVOUS SYSTEM SHUTTING DOWN CUNT GOING OFF LIKE A FIREHOSE.” That’s, like, British level humor. Anyways, it turns out, thankfully enough for Miko, that the Miroku clan has a substitute for cum guzzling for travel purposes; the catch is that it’s a strong aphrodesiac. So NinNin, the little bastard, cooks up a batch (good thing they had all those ancient and unknown ingredients lying around the apartment, or maybe NinNin just jerked in a bowl and didn’t tell her, in which case, wow that’s a lot of semen), and Miko slams it down. Apparently it's pretty fast-acting, as Miko immediately makes a strange “oh” sound and sniffs her hands. Miko vocalizes her intent to face north for the purposes of the ceremony, but because hentai has taught us that women have no control over their own bodily activity while finger-spelunking, I suspect her positioning will be more or less based entirely on chance operations.

Cue the same masturbation music from the earlier creepy flashback, cut to a shot of Miko’s frog plushie, and let the jerking begin. Folks, there’s nothing sexier than a voice actress pretending to reach the heights of pleasure while the sound effect guy plays with a half-empty ketchup bottle. Now, I’m kind of curious: why does Miko have a large pink spot on the groin area of her panties? That’s freaking me out, because I keep thinking it’s vaginal bleeding except it’s PINK. So, do Miko’s secretions just naturally turn pink after awhile? I'm not going to be able to sleep until this question stops nagging at me!

So, she masturbates, and it’s nice, and then she does the “Miyu, you know that I’ll SAVE you, I’M COMING” thing, which is ingenious, and then her mouth and voice completely lose sync during the last part, which is surreal and lends credence to the "Miko's diseased brain" theory. Then she and NinNin fall through what appears to be a piece of geometric art, and Miko arrives in the demon world still in the middle of her orgasm and clutching at her boobies. Also, she lands on NinNin, and any pain that the midget feels is a good thing in my book. Miko’s first reaction to the unholy organic construction of the Shikima realm? “Oh man! I JUST can’t BELIEVE how really CREEPY this place is! I FEEL like I just fell into a BAD HORROR movie!” which sounds so much funnier when she has nothing on but a limp piece of fabric rolled up over her breasts. Also, if she’d replaced “horror” with “hentai” and “fell into” with “starred in,” she’d be right. God I hate her.

Ooh boy, now Miyu’s getting raped, let’s see how much I DON’T FUCKING CARE. Miyu’s making some kind of chewing motion not unlike Mr. Ed with peanut butter in his mouth, and Kyomara gets off a couple of good one liners, such as: “YES YES YES! I have NEVER had such a full wad to blow!” which is odd since he’s, well, a tentacle demon, meaning his physical construction is basically a wad delivery system. Anyways, he sticks it in, and Miyu says - and I’m being entirely serious here - “Ow! It stinks! Ah NOO!”

I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in. No, it couldn’t just be me hearing “stings” wrong, I’ve listened to this like ten times and it’s definitely “stinks”. If you’re being raped by a nether demon with dozens of penises, is the smell going to be your first concern? Answer: yes. Also, the ow. Smell usually isn’t associated with pain, dear, so I can only conclude that you either don’t know the proper situations for using “ow”, have the weirdest case of synthaesia ever, are simply insane, or you don’t know what the word “stink” means, which implies that you are a moron, something not unsubstantiated by the previous events of the show. Kyomara misses the subtleties of this and in fact seems to have heard something else entirely, because he says something about her not REALLY wanting someone as big as him to pull out. Next line: “Blow off your vassal hard, you know how much you love it!” Yes, VASSAL HARD. I swear, either that's what he says or Media Player's fucking with me. Don't think too much there about breaking promises to your enslaved creator of Sexy Losers or whatever your own interpretation is, or you'll likely never return again to the land of flowers and bubbles and sanity; I can only conclude that the brain-eating aliens are at it again, and they want us crying and docile when the invasion begins.

It should be noted that this is obviously meant to be Jerk Moment #5, but Miyu’s whine-whine-apathy is so massively crappy that I’d have to watch this portion looped over and over for at least a day before my penis even stirs. She pulls the old “I’m so ashamed” routine, which in Shikima (and Japanese too) means STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, and Kyomara obliges. The tentacle rape fun continues, and then he squirts his hot manjuice between her lips causing her to make a Fran Drescher sound, as if my dick wasn't limp enough already. Finally, we get the joy of seeing a dick move up and down through the skin of her torso, which physical possibility aside, is a really lovely image. My penis is now a flaccid lump of nothing sitting lifeless in my hand, whimpering like a wounded soldier left for dead and realizing his swiftly impending mortality. Thanks, bitch.