Grandma’s message from beyond the grave this time is that THE TIME HAS COME FOR MIKO TO RELEASE HER FULL POWER. Now, apparently Grandma in possess-the-bodies-of-the-living mode has some serious strength, as just saying this causes substantial portions of Kyomara to explode. Bottom line, perverted old women have the “strike me down become more powerful than you can imagine” thing down way better than the jedi ever did. Even in the crappy Star Wars tie-in novels, which FOR THE RECORD featured Luke falling in love with a dead girl and the ghost of the Emperor telling a redhead to go kill people, shit like this NEVER happened. Anime 1, George Lucas 0.
So what is the method of releasing Miko’s full power? Pull that stupid bow out of her hair. What is this power, exactly? BLOWING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING IN A FIVE-MILE RADIUS except of course for Miyu/Grandma (dammit) and NinNin (DAMMIT). The sequence goes something like this: bow comes out, revealing SEXY-AS-HELL FOOT-LENGTH HAIR, inane theme music with strangely Pachelbelian bassline starts up. Miko screams, tentacles holding her explode, air around her crackles with blueness, world explodes. There is some bizarre drug-addled postwar mysogynistic symbolism going on here, and hell if I can tell you just what it is exactly.
I think this next bit summarizes the entire show as a whole perfectly: two naked women lying next to each other. It has been established that they have no relation. Both have recently been exposed to horrendous trauma. Is there lesbian sex? Answer: GODDAMMIT, NO. They’re holding hands. Miko picks Miyu up in a just-about-to-kiss-her fashion, wipes away one of her tears (or maybe that’s eyeliner), and gets a “Mi. Ko. Where are we?” for her efforts. Big smile, girlish hug, THAT’S IT. FUCK YOU ALL. Miko looks into the sunrise and says to no one in particular, “Dearest grandma, you have SAVED. US. ALL,” through her spectral abilities to possess a living body without its consent and remove hair bows. Miyu’s brain hasn’t really been working right since the half-hour point of the show, and next she declares “WE’RE okay” for no determinable reason. But whatever.
Some fantastic dialogue follows.
Miko: “NO WAY! IT WAS TOO HOT This could all happen again! And I’m the only one who can stop them!”
Not true. Others who could do same: Power Rangers. Tetsuo. Kaoru. Jet Li. Pretty much anyone who can shoot a gun, actually, or not immediately fall in line with whoever rapes them. “Don’t worry, Miyu, you KNOW I’ll protect you!” So, great, this sister forced into emotionless crappy moaning rape while Miko masturbates to reach raping location thing is going to be an episodic deal, then. SUPER. As if to sabotage their very own efforts to get anyone to watch another episode of this shitfest, it's that midget freak bastard NinNin who gets the last word in: “So Miko, how long until you put some clothes back on!” Did I mention how much I hate him? HATE. SEARING, BURNING HATE ALL THROUGH MY LOINS.
Cue crappy theme music, roll credits. Interesting credit notes: Maria is the third one down on the cast list, and I STILL don’t have any fucking idea who she is. Also, Miyu was voiced by Athena. Yes, Athena. So after she leapt fully grown from Zeus’ skull, she must have left ALL TALENT AND EMOTION BEHIND. Actually, pretty much the entire cast is pseudonyms, unless there are people out there who will actually name their kids Bat, Allanah, and Pepper. After the casting credits a long list of Japanese names follow, and then the American ones. I swear, all you people are on my list, ALL of you. You give me promise of lesbianism at the last minute and then PULL IT AWAY. THERE WILL BE A RECKONING.
Final analysis: there is extreme likelihood that this entire movie did in fact take place entirely inside Miko’s head, which would make it a cult classic on the level of Cronenberg if it was released as such. That said, the Miko masturbation and tentacle rape bits were great, Miyu deserves to die, the dialogue was horrible, the art was amateurish, and God I hate NinNin so much. Would I watch more episodes? Yes, but only in the hope that Miyu and the midget die, Grandma never shows her sick-ass face again, and the Director and the Marxists get more screen time for their intellectual musings. Would I analyze them? FUCK NO, this thing’s like thirteen pages single-spaced and is the SINGLE LONGEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. Thus, La Blue Girl has stolen more from me than can ever be repaid by tentacle rape alone.
Final grade: AAAA++++++++++++ WOULD DO BUSINESS AGAIN